Let's get this out of the way right now.
No, I didn't watch the game.
No, I didn't see Incredible Play "A", Defensive Play "B", or Heart-Stopping Play "C".
No, I won't be watching the Super Bowl.
No, I don't like football.
Now, it might seem a bit strange to open a rant with these statements, but to help put things into perspective, here's a little background information.
I'm a 38-year old, single straight guy. Normally, that's enough to make people wonder, since it seems EVERY man likes football.
What makes it worse is that I live in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, home of the Pittsburgh Steelers, and around here, everything else (including God, it seems,) comes a close second to football.
This area has an unhealthy obsession with football in general,and the Steelers in particular. It amazes me to no end how deep their fanaticism over the sport runs.
Personally, I find football dull and boring. I don't watch it at home, and if I happen to be somewhere where the game is on, I usually fall asleep.
And yet, I've had strangers stop me and tell me the score, without me asking, without me appearing to even give a damn.
People around here look at you funny if you say "I didn't watch the game". Heavens forbid they learn you don't actually like football.
What makes matters worse is that, for the next two-plus weeks, that's all anyone will talk about, because the Steelers are going to be playing in the Super Bowl.
That's all they will talk about...on the radio, in the newspaper. I won't be watching a local news broadcast for the next three weeks, for fear of having to watch some vapid "report" by the idiot newsreader, as they waste at least half the show going over the same "story" they've said already.
Wait. That's normal for local news. I forgot.
No, these so-called "reporters", with their perfect hair, phony smiles and fat asses from sitting behind a desk and reading the "news" will be shoving the Steelers down my throat until I'm ready to vomit.
But what will be worse are the rabid fans who say "we're" going to the Super Bowl. Listen, bunkie, you're not on the team. You're not on the coaching staff. You're not even close to "going". You're gonna sit at home in your la-z-boy recliner or go the bar, stuff cheese balls in your fat face, drink far, far too much beer, and think that you've "made it to the Super Bowl" along with every other deluded soul.
Now, before the hate mail starts pouring in, let me say that I'm happy they've done so well, and they've made it to "the big dance". I'm sure it'll be great for the morale of the city, especially in the bleakest part of what is passing for Winter this year.
Pittsburgh is the second most overcast city in the US (ironically, the most overcast city is Seattle, who the Steelers appear to be facing in the Super Bowl), and whatever little bit of light that can brighten an otherwise gray day here, well, if it makes Joe Steeler Fan happy, then that's all right.
Just don't feel the need to shove your rabid devotion to a sport I care nothing about in my general direction.
I love baseball. I enjoy hockey. I've watched the Pirates and the Penguins, the other two major league franchises in this city, get the shaft from the fair weather Pittsburgh fans because they've sucked royally for the past 10-15 years.
It still amazed me last year, when the Pirates were one game under .500...an amazing feat in and of itself...that the local sports broadcasts spent all their time fussing over the beginning of Steelers Training Camp.
Training Camp. Not a game, but practice. The concept boggles the mind.
I've said before that Pittsburgh is stuck in the 1970's, and football is part of that. In the 70's, when I was growing up, the Steelers were the best thing in football, bar none. They won four Super Bowls, their defense was rated as "supreme", and they were loved by everyone.
Everyone but me, that is. Even as a kid, I didn't like football.
Actually, if the Steelers win the Super Bowl, it might actually help this region realize we're now in the 21st Century. With "one for the thumb" (a phrase I've heard for far too many years, which really they should change, since the players from the 1970s are long since retired from the game), the region might be able to finally realize that, just as Fox has canceled "That 70's Show", we're past that decade.
Of course, I won't be watching the Super Bowl, so before you get the idea that you're coming to my house to watch "the big game" on my widescreen, high-definition TV, forget it now.
I won't be watching the game.